There is no standard rulebook on good parenting. Parenting style varies vastly amongst individuals across the globe. Let us look at a young parent, Rajdeep Murarka’s refreshing take on the nuances of modern parenting.
Me and my wife like to do our research on most things – travel, wellbeing, pregnancy and most obviously so – Parenting. There is a lot of reading out there which tells us how to parent right. There is also the distasteful reality that a lot goes wrong. As parents to our first-born – we worked hard to achieve the “ecstatic” feeling of “perfection”. Now, while parenting our second born, we have learned to forgive ourselves. We have yet to get our head around the compelling need to be meting out “equal treatment” to both our children. To be giving the younger one same as we did for the elder…and fighting to strike the balance. I am here to put out a crazy idea and I have my reasons to do so. It would be interesting to get reactions to this one. I say we forget about equal treatment to both children.
Well – I see – My 2 x 2 sets of grandparents + grandparents in-law – their children – my parents, uncles, aunts, in-laws – their children – my siblings, my wife’s siblings – cut long story short – Parents and their Children across generations in a big fat Indian family. I have seen them all trying to meet out the so-called “equal treatment” and if I had to judge (omg!) – I think not one has been able to achieve it to their own or their children’s satisfaction. So right now, when my elder child is 5 and younger one is 1 year old – I have decided to not pursue the path of promising equality to my kids.
When one of them asks – “Why this for me and that for him??” – I say – “Because that’s what I feel is fair right now…”
As they grow up – I intend to tell them – I cannot treat you equally – I will not treat you equally – You are two different people – you conduct yourselves differently – you will get from me what I feel you deserve and in return – you are welcome to give back to me – what you feel I deserve.
My point – if on a given day – one of the two is good and the other naughty – are we going to treat them the same? My question – does “loving one more” on a given day imply that you love the other one less? When conceiving we did not know – how they would be as infants – once born – we nurture each as it suits each. We can only aspire how they would be in 5, 10, 20 years from today…and maybe they turn out to be the absolute opposite. I say we take one day at a time, not succumb to our emotions and treat them on merit! There, I said it – I will not treat my children equally – I will treat each differently.